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12/13/2005: "That's a Nice Pole in Your Kitchen...."

Last night I was reading my latest Prevention Magazine at The Girl's basketball practice and thinking I needed another workout alternative since I was missing kickboxing to take her to practice because my husband had to work late. Anywho...there it was, a workout/fitness article on dancing it off. Hmmm. This has potential because I like to dance...although I'm definitely a case of more enthusiasm than talent. The article covered six different dance workouts.

Cardio Salsa. Nope. I'm thinking there's too much coordinated footwork involved for me. Coordination isn't my stong suit.

Masala Bhangra. "A challenging cardio workout based on the traditional folk dance of India." Okay. Challenging cardio workout sounds good to me and it promises sinewy arms and sculpted shoulders. I read on..."Most moves are performed while vigorously shaking the arms at 45-degree angles to the sides of the body and doing multiple, rapid-fire shoulder raises...dancers shout 'Balle, balle' while waving a little scarf in each hand." : Uh...I don't think so...not even in the privacy of my own home!

Vegas Jazz. Nuh-uh. It's that coordination thing plus I'm supposed to pretend I'm "starring in my own Vegas show." Yeah. And while I'm in that mentally stretched out state I'm supposed to rehearse short sequences of "jazz staples like high line kicks and ball steps." I've got a lot of imagination, but not even I can envision myself as a Vegas showgirl and while I can handle high line kicks, those ball steps aren't in my repetoire.

Cardio Capoeira. Based on a form or maritial arts. Untrachallenging sweat session that involves heavy sparring, lots of kicking and spinning...this could work, sounds a lot like kickboxing...and cartwheels. Forget it! I'm genetically incapable of doing a cartwheel--have been since birth and I don't see that changing.

Belly Dance. Well, this needs no explanation, but it too had its drawbacks. First, it says it was "once performed as a fertility ritual." That alone is enough to stop me cold. I have The Girl and she's enough. I don't want to take any chances! Then there's the idea of "holding the abs steady while vigourously shaking and rocking the hips." Uh...exactly how long could you do this without expiring from sheer boredom?

Cardio Striptease. In the words of John Mayer on his live album, "Now we're talking. Now we're talking." It's touted as "part burlesque, part yoga, and part gymnastics. Hey, it even says "Forget following concise steps." Since I'm not big on following concise steps, this is a big bonus in my book. But the real clencher was the endorsement from a woman who 8 months ago tried this workout and "became so hooked she installed a pole in her kitchen." Alrighty. Bet that's one heck of a conversation piece when she has guests over.

Now I've got to try it. You know which one I'm going to order. If nothing else, it'll satisfy my curiousity. And I wonder where she got that pole?

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